It ain't no beef nugget buffet

There was a largish alert-esque sign attached to the preschool front desk this week that said, and I’m paraphrasing: "DUE TO NUMEROUS COMPLAINTS, (THE LUNCH VENDOR) WILL NO LONGER OFFER THE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH. THEY WILL SUBSTITUTE WEDNESDAY’S LUNCH WITH SLOPPY JOE."

Sloppy Joe?! Realizing the boys were scheduled for “hot lunch” today, I decided to prepare them over breakfast. They always want to know if it’s a “packed lunch” or a “hot lunch” day. They much prefer a packed lunch.

“…so today will be sloppy joe for lunch.”

Sam stares at me with complete preschooler disbelief - the look that will morph into a ‘mom is so lame!’ sneer in a few years - and says: “SLOPPY JOE?! There’s no Sloppy Joe!”

“Yes,” I nod, trying in earnest to explain. “Yes, there is – it’s like a crumbly hamburger sandwich,” I realize I’m making it worse. “It’s good,” I half-heartedly say and turn away. God, I always hated Sloppy Joe. “NO!” he screams a little.

Me: “Hey – there’s even a song!” I begin to sing the Adam Sandler “Lunch Lady” song. “Sloppy-joe – Slop, sloppy Joe!” Sam is on the verge of losing it. Struggling to keep his voice at “indoor” level pitch. “STOP IT Mom! There’s NO SLOPPY JOE! NO! NO SLOPPY JOE.” As if saying it will make it so.

Then, he wails, “Oh, tell me you are kidding…. ARE YOU KIDDING? You ARE kidding! ARE YOU KIDDING?”
Jack – who is not a morning person at all and simply minding his own business - stuffing his mouth with morning bagel & cream cheese – begins to laugh. Bits of bagel fly out all over the table.

"Mom, are you kidding????"

Sadly. No.