There’s a reason covert organizations use sleep deprivation as a torture tactic. It works. Just ask any parent of a toddler who won’t settle easily into a restful night’s sleep. For the past several weeks, my boys have refused to fall asleep on their own. This isn’t new for Jack. He had sleep issues before he was born. This is, however, new for Sam and it has thrown our household into temporary chaos.
My former champion sleeper Sam has inexplicably become plagued by fears, prone to nightly meltdowns whenever it’s time to get into bed. Yet nothing has changed. The boys’ bedtime routine is the same – first baths, brushing teeth, washing hands, watching “Very Hungry Caterpillar” DVD, then read a book in the rocking chair in their shared bedroom.
Seconds before the last page of the book, he’ll start with “No, no, no, no, NO!”
My former champion sleeper Sam has inexplicably become plagued by fears, prone to nightly meltdowns whenever it’s time to get into bed. Yet nothing has changed. The boys’ bedtime routine is the same – first baths, brushing teeth, washing hands, watching “Very Hungry Caterpillar” DVD, then read a book in the rocking chair in their shared bedroom.
Seconds before the last page of the book, he’ll start with “No, no, no, no, NO!”
He grabs me tightly around the neck, bargaining, “Five more minutes, please rock? Five more minutes in rockin chair, please mommy, please? How about one more minute? Mommy please, I love you, please, please, pleeeeeeaaasSSSE!” (I love you quickly turns to ‘I don’t like you mommy’ when I insist it’s bedtime).
I tried Super Nanny’s approach: just keep putting him back into bed, no eye contact, no talking, sitting quietly in the room on the floor. Doesn’t work. First, that tactic isn’t really designed with twins in mind. Super Nanny does not explain what to do when one twin (Jack) sits down next to you, quietly mimicking what you’re doing; while the other twin is thrashing around screaming (Sam). She would probably say, “Pick him up and put him back into bed.” That’s fine, except that Sam has taken to beating up his brother during these pre-bedtime tantrums. Putting Jack in Sam’s bed is like putting bacon in front of a rabid dog. Putting Jack in Jack’s own bed still somehow results in Sam throwing things at him and Jack screaming loud enough to wake the entire block. I suppose I could go back to separate rooms, but that never worked well either.
Against my own mothering instincts, but out of desperation, I even tried “ignoring” both of them and letting them ‘cry it out’ – Ferber style.
I’m not fond of this method – in fact I think it’s cruel. Ultimately it teaches a child that his cries go unanswered. In today’s stressful, terrifying world, the one thing a person should be able to count on is Mom. If you cry, mom needs to be there. Whether you’re 3, 33 or 103.
Last night as Jack lay on the floor (avoiding both Sam’s bed and his own – mostly for his own safety) and Sammy cried in his bed tossing stuffed animals around and telling me defiantly he was “STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!” I rocked by myself in the chair quietly and realized that this, too, shall pass.
I tried Super Nanny’s approach: just keep putting him back into bed, no eye contact, no talking, sitting quietly in the room on the floor. Doesn’t work. First, that tactic isn’t really designed with twins in mind. Super Nanny does not explain what to do when one twin (Jack) sits down next to you, quietly mimicking what you’re doing; while the other twin is thrashing around screaming (Sam). She would probably say, “Pick him up and put him back into bed.” That’s fine, except that Sam has taken to beating up his brother during these pre-bedtime tantrums. Putting Jack in Sam’s bed is like putting bacon in front of a rabid dog. Putting Jack in Jack’s own bed still somehow results in Sam throwing things at him and Jack screaming loud enough to wake the entire block. I suppose I could go back to separate rooms, but that never worked well either.
Against my own mothering instincts, but out of desperation, I even tried “ignoring” both of them and letting them ‘cry it out’ – Ferber style.
I’m not fond of this method – in fact I think it’s cruel. Ultimately it teaches a child that his cries go unanswered. In today’s stressful, terrifying world, the one thing a person should be able to count on is Mom. If you cry, mom needs to be there. Whether you’re 3, 33 or 103.
Last night as Jack lay on the floor (avoiding both Sam’s bed and his own – mostly for his own safety) and Sammy cried in his bed tossing stuffed animals around and telling me defiantly he was “STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!” I rocked by myself in the chair quietly and realized that this, too, shall pass.
And it’ll pass too soon.
These precious toddler days will be gone. They will no longer need or want me to rock them to sleep. They won’t cry when I leave the room. They won’t call out “Mama?” in the middle of the night just to make sure I’m still there. I’ll get plenty of sleep and I’ll dream about the days when my little boys wanted just “one more minute” of my time.
These precious toddler days will be gone. They will no longer need or want me to rock them to sleep. They won’t cry when I leave the room. They won’t call out “Mama?” in the middle of the night just to make sure I’m still there. I’ll get plenty of sleep and I’ll dream about the days when my little boys wanted just “one more minute” of my time.
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